Phillip's Picks:
10. Sandy Lyle (Philip Seymour Hoffman) in Along Came Polly
One of my favorite actors, Hoffman is good or great in just about anything he has ever been in. He has a magnetic stare and the voice of a true actor. In 2004 he was in this Ben Stiller/Jennifer Aniston comedy that has all but been forgotten about. His character, though, was the funniest part (a strong case made for only funny part) of the film. Sandy is a failed middle aged actor whose claim to fame is a child hood role in a 21 Jump Street type show. Hoffman has some fun with the role, and is literally the only reason I remember it.
9. Dutch (Alan Tudyk) in Transformer 3: Dark of the Moon
Alan Tudyk may be famous from Firefly, but most mainstream audiences have seen him in the (hopefully) final installment in Bay’s toy trilogy. Dutch is Jon Tuturro’s character’s butler, who, in a scene of tense negotiations, goes bananas. He turns suddenly from this witty funny character to a total bad-a, and does so as a highlight of the film.
8. Brigadier General Francis X. Hummel (Ed Harris) in the Rock
Think about this other Michael Bay film for a minute. It is diluted with cheeseball filth, features characters that embrace cliché like sponge does water, and a climax as ridiculous as, well, any other Bay picture. But the film, considering, isn’t actually terrible. Ed Harris plays the villain that actually has some depth to it. He is an ex-marine general who threatens the Pentagon with gassing San Francisco unless the families of dead Marines are paid reparations whose soldiers fought in clandestine and illegal missions throughout the years. It’s a cool concept, until Michael Bay and Nicholas Cage got involved.
7. Sky Captain in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
This film was a box office disappointment, but it had potential and it was actually quite good, mostly in terms of special effects. One of the best things here is the early lead role of Jude Law as the most classic cinematic hero of them all, the winged ace in the air. He plays it well, and the character is as cool as they come. I feel unsure about adding this as I see it as a pretty good film, but based on its receipts and its cinephile attitude, I did nonetheless.
6. Chip Hazard (Tommy Lee Jones) and Archer (Frank Langella) in Small Soldiers
I remember growing up watching this movie, and thinking these two characters were extremely cool. They are the leaders of rival toy groups, who are opposite moral roles in real (?) life. Chip is a military hero similar to GI Joe, but in the film he is the bad guy, set out to destroy Archer’s Gorgonites. These characters would make cool in some sort of sci-fi film, or just a better version of Small Soldiers. It isn’t terrible, but it kind of feels like it is.
5. Davy Jones (Bill Nighy and the Effects Department) in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Bill Nighy deserves credit for his performance of the legendary pirate in the series’ two lackluster films. The best thing about the character is the simple way that it looks. The effects of the character are breathtaking. Although the character is written well, just looking at him inspires some sort of childhood fear, or comedy, depending on the scene. His villainy is described well, and Nighy portrays it all in the eyes and that ugly upper lip, giving you that feeling he smells something terrible, most likely his own slimy skin.
4. Lee Harvey Oswald (Gary Oldman) in JFK
For those of you thinking this movie isn’t that bad, I respectfully disagree. Oliver Stone’s conspiracy themed film has always had a sour view in my eye. The one bright spot I’ve always had with the film is the performance by Gary Oldman as the assassin. Had this been any other film with Oldman in this role, it could have been a masterpiece. Just the stares he gives as the mysterious figure alone send chills down your spine.
3. Wayne Gale (Robert Downey Jr ) in Natural Born Killers
What do you know another Oliver Stone film? Ok, maybe I give a little hate to Stone now and again, but is he really all that great as a filmmaker? Anyway, this film, one of my least favorite, is a Badlands meets ironic violence picture. The one cool thing about the film is Downey’s portrayal of Gale, a narcissistic and self-emulating television show host of a reality shoe about maniacal killers. The character is the best satire of the film and the only satire that really achieves its intended interest in being so. His character becomes kind of insane at the end, but up until that point he is a villain of the television age if there ever was one.
2. Richard Haywood (Ryan Gosling) in Murder by Numbers
The serial killer genre is as overdone as one could be. This film, starring Sandra Bullock in a performance that isn’t at all bad, isn’t one of the greatest entries. It plays to all the standard clichés, except one. One of the dual high school killers is Richard. He is popular and rich and kills for a perverse sense of amusement. Think Patrick Bateman, but in high school. It is also an interesting concept that he would frame others for his crime. The film gets a bit standard by the end and the “twist” isn’t very well developed, but overall the film is not terrible, but Gosling’s performance stands out.
1. Darth Maul (Ray Park) in Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
The king of them all, Darth Maul is maybe the coolest character in the mythology of Star Wars. While this is, against popular grain, is not my least favorite of the saga (that belongs to Attack of the Clones), it still isn’t great by any means. The final fight scene though is a classic by all means, due in large part to the overall villainy exhibited from Maul and his double handed lightsaber. Ray Park has since went on to be in more films like GI Joe, but no amazing martial arts based performance can equal his mysterious and menacing phantom.
Kyle's Picks:
10. Damon Killian (Richard Dawson) in The Running Man
First off, this is NOT a good movie. There's so many laughably bad parts in this movie, from the situations and characters to the story and direction. But, if you don't already know, I'm a total sucker for Arnold Schwarzenegger movies and the cheesiness they promote. His puns in this one are legendary and are award worthy. Anyways, Richard Dawson's character in the movie is the standout piece of quality here, easily slipping into the role of a sleazy, amoral TV host who enjoys watching people gut each other for the entertainment of others. You love to hate him and are thinking the whole time about how this slimeball will meet his end. And it doesn't disappoint.
9. Bernie Focker (Dustin Hoffman) in Meet the Fockers
The first film in this series, Meet the Parents, was fresh and new, providing great humor between the characters portrayed by Robert De Niro and Ben Stiller. The sequel, however, felt gimmicky and recycled, retreading by evolving into the only other step, which is of course showing us Ben Stiller's family. However, Dustin Hoffman, among the best modern screen actors, as his dad provided a hilarious, emotional character who matched well, in comedic situations, with De Niro's ultra serious, no nonsense old geezer. Plus, I really bought him being Stiller's dad, making it more believable than it should have been.
8. General Custer (Bill Hader) in Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Hey, what do you know, another forgettable sequel to a Ben Stiller hit? As I said above, Hollywood took an original idea and turned it into a mediocre sequel. Along with the returning cast, there are some surprising new additions, most notably Bill Hader portraying the infamous General Custer, to great effect. Hader is a fabulous mimic and although there's no record of Custer's mannerisms and speech patterns, he gives you a definitive version of the flawed military leader. Plus, it's Hader, so it's funnier than the movie needs to be.
7. Doc Hudson (Paul Newman) in Cars
Cars surprised many in the film world because of its general lack of awesomeness that pervaded all of Pixar's works up to that point. It just seemed like too silly of an idea to work, even for animation. By far, the best thing about the movie is Paul Newman's voice work, which single-handedly elevates this film (if only slightly). His voice breathes of nostalgia and grit, quite possibly delivering the best vocal performance in any of Pixar's films, which is saying a lot. His gruff, frustrated voice suggests a history that would make a much better story than the one we saw here. The screen legend that was Paul Newman offered this great, late performance that reminds us why he was as revered as he is.
6. Archibald "Harry" Tuttle (Robert De Niro) in Brazil
It's essential to note that I don't think Brazil is a bad movie, but rather an unrealized vision that at times reveals itself as a cinematic mess, albeit a visual spectacle (adjectives that describe nearly all of Terry Gilliam's films). However, Robert De Niro playing a air condition repair specialist who also happens to be a terrorist. Full of satire, as is much of the movie, Tuttle is a former government employee who's hate originates as a result of the despised entity we all know as paperwork. He's hardly in the movie, but when he is, De Niro, as usual, humbly steals the spotlight.
5. William Fichtner as The Accountant in "Drive Angry (Shot in 3D)"
I have no guilt admitting that I loved this movie despite it being a reprehensible pile of exploitation trash. I enjoyed every bit of this over-the-top, cheesy story about a man, played by the immaculate Nicholas Cage, who escapes from Hell to avenge the death of his daughter at the hands of a Satanic cult, who also kidnapped his granddaughter. By far, the best thing about this flick was William Fichtner as a demon known as The Accountant, who's tasked with bringing Cage back to Hell. His sarcastic wit and memorable moments propel him as the shining diamond in this filthy rough. Echoing the Terminator dynamic of retrieving someone who is out of their grasp of time, I'd love to see a sequel that had the two teaming up against some terrific force. But, sadly, this is immensely unlikely...
4. White Goodman (Ben Stiller) in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story"
As the title expresses so accurately, this is a funny comedy that, unfortunately, becomes too concerned with giving a predictable message about fighting the odds and upsetting the established force, something I nearly no longer have ANY interest in. But the movie does have some very distinct, memorable characters, the biggest of which is White Goodman, played by the comic master Ben Stiller. He plays the sleazy, overconfident leader of the rival gym of our "heroes". He's obvious about his desire to wipe out his competition and become the champions of dodgeball, but aren't we all? He's a lovable villain, and I found myself rooting for him to beat the unlovable losers. But I should have known that this type of film would leave me disappointed, right?
3. Captain Gene Mauch (Michael Keaton) in The Other Guys
This film had it's REALLY funny moments, which naturally occurred right before it's abysmal ones that simply sank the movie beyond repair, at least for me. Michael Keaton's easy going, low key performance as a police captain who knows too much has stayed with me, for whatever reason. It may be for its randomness, especially with the revelation that he works a second job at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Plus, Keaton is just so lovable and his obliviousness to the overall man-child silliness that ensues with the combination of Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg makes him all the more sympathetic.
2. Ben Urich (Joe Pantoliano) in Daredevil
This film was a bit of a disappointment, turning one of comics premier creative statements into a forgettable, and at times cheesy, action film. I actually didn't mind Ben Affleck as Matt Murdock and liked Michael Clarke Duncan as Kingpin, but I'm an admitted MCD addict. But Joey Pants' turn as an investigative journalist who slowly pieces together Daredevil's secret identity is the film's gem. It would have been great to see a sequel that expanded Urich and brought him more to the forefront, making him a wild card in the mix that could use his knowledge for noble or selfish purposes.
1. Major (later Lieutenant Colonel) Jimmy Doolittle (Alec Baldwin) in Pearl Harbor
Whole blog-posts could be devoted to the cinematic wasteland that Michael Bay crafted all those years ago with Pearl Harbor. Full of cliches, jingoistic attitudes, and bad acting, this just may be Bay's worst film, which is not a compliment. However, the single best thing about this movie, apart from the fantastic battle scenes, is Alec Baldwin playing a mentor to Affleck and Hartnett's characters, who suddenly jumps into the war after the attack of the Hawaiian naval base. He delivers one of the most memorable and laughable monologues I've had the privileged of seeing, and this is taking into account all of the great things he shouts in Glenngary Glenn Ross. He's the biggest bad A in a movie full of wannabe tough guys.
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